Raindance
She strides confidently,
forehead angled to receive
damp falling mist.
Whimsical air shatters,
rhythmic sound washes over her.
Rain speaks in enchanted dialects,
beads her pony tail
with gentle insistence,
settles on sooty lashes.
Sweet-water showers
moisten her warm lips,
coax a questing tongue.
Spiked branches are adorned
with bits of magic,
leaves tattooed with liquid luster.
Puddles flow into
a stream of chocolate,
braid gravel channels,
spill willy-nilly into
the river, merrily ripple
in blended hue.
Fresh-faced laughter
bubbles upward as she
experiences nature's cleansing.
© 2005 Sharon Rothenfluch Cooper
COMMENTS: Syntax appropriately conveys the poet's proficiency.
Pleasantly crafted well presented work. Controlled figures of speech
stimulate a fresh reaction. The onomatopoeic sounds suggest the action
of the river. Good choice of active verbs. This playful poem
is woven into an entertaining tapestry that pleases all senses. Wonderfully
kinetic, splashing onto the page just as the drops onto her forehead.
Excellent word choices to give the poem a sense of constantly moving forward,
never settling into a stoic stupor. Pure experience. The poet uses
vivid images as in "puddles flow into streams of chocolate," personification
as when the "rain speaks in enchanted dialects," and musical alliteration.
March To Oblivion
(For Refugees Everywhere)
We carry nothing,
have nothing,
expect nothing,
no beginning or end
in the trek to nonexistence,
only constant movement.
One step shuffles, then another,
hopelessness not even
a conscious thought.
Hungry children
follow our pace,
weaken and perish.
Silent shadows
in our minds
grieve their loss,
but escape becomes
our blind purpose.
In the muddle of the deranged,
we advance
towards obscurity.
© 2005 Sharon Rothenfluch Cooper
COMMENTS: Deft use of caesurae (pauses in lines of verse dictated
by sense or natural speech rhythm rather than by metrics) throughout. Direct
language paired with enjambment move the reader’s eye straight through
to the conclusion. Skillfully arranged and well organized expressions
of emotion and tension are brought forward to the following lines. The
poem ends with a powerful climax. This poem has an emotional trend,
becoming quite poignant toward the end. A somber journey into life’s
darker moments. The real or imagined is left to the reader, allowing
the realization that perhaps they are the same. Asks to be reread
several times. Skillful writing. Conversational style proves
to be a stellar treatment for such a sensitive topic. The method
of telling this story gives it a sense of interweaving present and past
experiences into a cohesive whole that all of mankind must experience and
endure simultaneously. This poem opens with a strong first stanza
and sustains the tone of hopelessness throughout. There is an ironic juxtaposition
of strength and helplessness in such lines as "our blind purpose" and "we
advance towards obscurity."
